29.9.16
26.9.16
From My Journal
Be holy.
What exactly does that mean?
First Peter 1:15 says to be holy in all manner of conversation. The greek translation for the word "conversation" is "behavior". So basically, this is a call to be holy. Always.
Then we are back to the question. What is Holy? The greek word defines it as pure, blamesless, religious, consecrated.
How is it possible to always remain pure in a world that is tugging at your heartstrings from all different directions?
God says that no one is perfect. No one is without sin, but am I still supposed to try to be Holy? And if so, what does that look like?
Verse 22 of the same chapter says:
So love is the answer. Being obedient with the help of the Spirit to love without prejudice. Without judgement. Just pure, holy love. That, if it is surrounding my life and touching everything that I do, that will purify my soul.
Love is so powerful. I guess that is why God says He is love. And why He gave us the example of the greatest love, making Himself manifest for me. For everyone.
I can't imagine what our world would look like if everyone had nothing but love in their hearts. Even, just the followers of Christ. What if we all loved like Jesus? What if we all strived to be holy?
What would people say of us then? Would they feel judged? Would they feel like they want what we have?
I think so.
His heart must break to see us not living up to our potential. To see the lives that we could help change through Christ be broken by our lack of love.
How can I love today?
What exactly does that mean?
First Peter 1:15 says to be holy in all manner of conversation. The greek translation for the word "conversation" is "behavior". So basically, this is a call to be holy. Always.
Then we are back to the question. What is Holy? The greek word defines it as pure, blamesless, religious, consecrated.
How is it possible to always remain pure in a world that is tugging at your heartstrings from all different directions?
God says that no one is perfect. No one is without sin, but am I still supposed to try to be Holy? And if so, what does that look like?
Verse 22 of the same chapter says:
Seeing you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned (undissimulated) love of the brethren, see that you love one another with a pure heart fervently.
So love is the answer. Being obedient with the help of the Spirit to love without prejudice. Without judgement. Just pure, holy love. That, if it is surrounding my life and touching everything that I do, that will purify my soul.
Love is so powerful. I guess that is why God says He is love. And why He gave us the example of the greatest love, making Himself manifest for me. For everyone.
I can't imagine what our world would look like if everyone had nothing but love in their hearts. Even, just the followers of Christ. What if we all loved like Jesus? What if we all strived to be holy?
What would people say of us then? Would they feel judged? Would they feel like they want what we have?
I think so.
His heart must break to see us not living up to our potential. To see the lives that we could help change through Christ be broken by our lack of love.
How can I love today?
25.9.16
Wait for it
I've started a read-through-the-bible-in-a-year program that takes you through the bible thematically. Basically, it will have you read a couple of chapters in the old testament, and then one or two chapters in psalms or the new testament that are related to the old testament text.
I have been really enjoying it because it gives a wider perspective on each chapter.
The other day I read the story of Jacob and Esau and how Esau sold his birthright for a meal from Jacob when he was famished after a hunting trip.
The program then took me to Hebrews, in the twelve chapter. There it warns us not to be like Esau who fell away from holiness and became bitter because he...
After I read these verses, the question came to me. Have I been trading in my "birthright", promise, or blessing from God in for a temporary relief of the hunger that burns within my soul? Do I live for the moment, and miss eternal blessings?
Where in my life am I setting for the quick fix, instead of holding on to what is mine in Christ, knowing that I can get my fill at home if I wait just a little bit longer.
Am I allowing myself to be deceived into thinking that I need to be filled NOW with something that won't last but a few hours?
I don't want to sell myself short.
I want to wait for God and his blessing, His eternal reward.
It so hard for me to look past the fears, and struggles that are right in front of my face. Sometimes I do feel like my soul is starving, and I forget that God desires to fill me up beyond the moment. It just takes a little patience. Maybe some discomfort, but the blessings are always worth waiting for.
I have been really enjoying it because it gives a wider perspective on each chapter.
The other day I read the story of Jacob and Esau and how Esau sold his birthright for a meal from Jacob when he was famished after a hunting trip.
The program then took me to Hebrews, in the twelve chapter. There it warns us not to be like Esau who fell away from holiness and became bitter because he...
"for a morsel of meat sold his birthright. For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears." Hebrews 12:16b-17
After I read these verses, the question came to me. Have I been trading in my "birthright", promise, or blessing from God in for a temporary relief of the hunger that burns within my soul? Do I live for the moment, and miss eternal blessings?
Where in my life am I setting for the quick fix, instead of holding on to what is mine in Christ, knowing that I can get my fill at home if I wait just a little bit longer.
Am I allowing myself to be deceived into thinking that I need to be filled NOW with something that won't last but a few hours?
I don't want to sell myself short.
I want to wait for God and his blessing, His eternal reward.
It so hard for me to look past the fears, and struggles that are right in front of my face. Sometimes I do feel like my soul is starving, and I forget that God desires to fill me up beyond the moment. It just takes a little patience. Maybe some discomfort, but the blessings are always worth waiting for.
24.9.16
Never Alone
It is hard to imagine that I could feel lonely, living a home with my very large family. I guess there is a difference from being alone to feeling lonely.
Today, because of a few circumstances, I was feeling a touch lonely. And a familiar feeling began to overtake my emotions.
I was transported back to a time in my life when I was overwhelmed with the feeling of being all alone. Alone to struggle.
I remembered the heaviness in my spirit. I remembered crying myself to sleep. I remembered screaming and pounding my fists of the barn door as I was resisting being swallowed into that dark hole, the place of no return.
I also remember singing/crying these words as a desperate prayer.
I was holding on for dear life while my hands worked, creating a rhythm with streams of milk.
Though it took a long time for me to find freedom from that bondage, the light began to overtake the darkness in that moment.
For the first time in my life, I was truly beginning to realize that even if I feel completely alone, I am never alone. And even if I can't feel God in those moments of despair, He is there, waiting for me to stretch out my arms in the direction of my loving Father's embrace.
He carried me through those moments, He never let me go.
Today, because of a few circumstances, I was feeling a touch lonely. And a familiar feeling began to overtake my emotions.
I was transported back to a time in my life when I was overwhelmed with the feeling of being all alone. Alone to struggle.
I remembered the heaviness in my spirit. I remembered crying myself to sleep. I remembered screaming and pounding my fists of the barn door as I was resisting being swallowed into that dark hole, the place of no return.
I also remember singing/crying these words as a desperate prayer.
I have You, to take away the pain that I feel.
You take my broken heart and heal.
You fill me up, show me Your true love.
I have You, to give me hope when mine is gone.
Forgive me when I've done wrong.
When I am weak, then I'm strong, and in You I will always belong.
I have You, to bring me through.
I was holding on for dear life while my hands worked, creating a rhythm with streams of milk.
Though it took a long time for me to find freedom from that bondage, the light began to overtake the darkness in that moment.
For the first time in my life, I was truly beginning to realize that even if I feel completely alone, I am never alone. And even if I can't feel God in those moments of despair, He is there, waiting for me to stretch out my arms in the direction of my loving Father's embrace.
He carried me through those moments, He never let me go.
22.9.16
Here Now
Stillness.
It is hard to find living in a house filled with thirteen other souls. Sometimes my heart craves for just a moment.
Then I get that moment, and my heart craves for the busy, the noise again.
Busy is where my heart is.
Busy is where the shared smiles, and the bubbling laughter is.
Loud is where the jokes are played, and the dancing rocks the house.
Love is in this season. I wouldn't trade it for a thousand moments of stillness.
Every day I learn more about loving to be here now. To be where I am. To embrace the toddler that wants to be held for the hundredth time that day. To play a game of cards with the teenagers that grow taller every day.
It won't last forever. One day my heart will break and I'll leave a piece of it at home.
But for now, I am here.
It is hard to find living in a house filled with thirteen other souls. Sometimes my heart craves for just a moment.
Then I get that moment, and my heart craves for the busy, the noise again.
Busy is where my heart is.
Busy is where the shared smiles, and the bubbling laughter is.
Loud is where the jokes are played, and the dancing rocks the house.
Love is in this season. I wouldn't trade it for a thousand moments of stillness.
Every day I learn more about loving to be here now. To be where I am. To embrace the toddler that wants to be held for the hundredth time that day. To play a game of cards with the teenagers that grow taller every day.
It won't last forever. One day my heart will break and I'll leave a piece of it at home.
But for now, I am here.
21.9.16
Peace
Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give it to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:27
20.9.16
What I Know
One of my favorite songs is called "What I Know" by Trisha Brock. It is a song that I have sung through tears at the lowest moments of my life, sounding the words as a declaration prayer.
The words of the chorus are...
I wonder why it has to happen, I wonder why I have to struggle so.
There are days when there are just questions that don't have answers, and all there is left to hold on to is what I know.
What I know is that God is real.
I know that He always holds me, He always cares, and He always wants what is best for me.
I know that no matter what happens, no matter how hard life gets, He is always there, ready to listen, ready to give me comfort and wisdom at the asking.
I know that He is one whisper away.
What I know is that I am never alone.
I know that I don't walk this life without my God beside me.
When hardship knocks me down, and I remember what I know, it is enough.
His presence is more than enough.
The words of the chorus are...
What I know, is you my God are real, no matter how I feel, you never let me go.Stuff happens in life, and sometimes I'm just like, "What?".
And what I know, is there will never be day you aren't just a breath away.
Through it all I've gotta hold to what I know.
I wonder why it has to happen, I wonder why I have to struggle so.
There are days when there are just questions that don't have answers, and all there is left to hold on to is what I know.
What I know is that God is real.
I know that He always holds me, He always cares, and He always wants what is best for me.
I know that no matter what happens, no matter how hard life gets, He is always there, ready to listen, ready to give me comfort and wisdom at the asking.
I know that He is one whisper away.
What I know is that I am never alone.
I know that I don't walk this life without my God beside me.
When hardship knocks me down, and I remember what I know, it is enough.
His presence is more than enough.
19.9.16
18.9.16
Legacy
When I was a little girl, one of things I looked forward to most was when it was my turn for my Dad's mom, my Grandma, to take me along on her weekly shopping trip.
There are only a few select things that I distinctly remember about these trips.
One was the sound her hands would make when she turned the steering wheel of the vehicle that she was driving, another was being able to buy a pack of gum, we would always go to visit my great-grandmother while she was still alive, and I just remember loving to be with her. One on one.
It has been a long time since we have had time together, just the two of us, but today we got that time again.
I have been learning a lot lately about relationships, and how God uses people to teach us, mold us, and give us opportunity to grow.
I looked at this beautiful woman that I get to call my Grama, and thought "What can I learn from her today?". What type of spiritual legacy will she pass down to her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren?
I heard her speak of the job that she has been working hard at for as long as I can remember. This job involves a lot of love and care for those who cannot care for themselves.
Never once in my life have I heard her complain about this job. If anything, I have seen her love her job.
It hit me then as I heard her talk of retiring, and speak of how bittersweet this would be for her, that sitting in front of me was a beautiful servant's heart. Not only has she selflessly served those in need for so many years, here she was talking about hoping to get another position a couple times a week to help more people.
It was then that I knew... I wanted to be more like her.
Woven into my DNA are little pieces of her ability to love people well.
I am surrounded by strong women, her strength is the silent kind. The kind that sometimes goes unnoticed, or unappreciated.
A servant's heart.
I cannot imagine the lives she has touched through her service and her prayers.
There are only a few select things that I distinctly remember about these trips.
One was the sound her hands would make when she turned the steering wheel of the vehicle that she was driving, another was being able to buy a pack of gum, we would always go to visit my great-grandmother while she was still alive, and I just remember loving to be with her. One on one.
It has been a long time since we have had time together, just the two of us, but today we got that time again.
I have been learning a lot lately about relationships, and how God uses people to teach us, mold us, and give us opportunity to grow.
I looked at this beautiful woman that I get to call my Grama, and thought "What can I learn from her today?". What type of spiritual legacy will she pass down to her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren?
I heard her speak of the job that she has been working hard at for as long as I can remember. This job involves a lot of love and care for those who cannot care for themselves.
Never once in my life have I heard her complain about this job. If anything, I have seen her love her job.
It hit me then as I heard her talk of retiring, and speak of how bittersweet this would be for her, that sitting in front of me was a beautiful servant's heart. Not only has she selflessly served those in need for so many years, here she was talking about hoping to get another position a couple times a week to help more people.
It was then that I knew... I wanted to be more like her.
Woven into my DNA are little pieces of her ability to love people well.
I am surrounded by strong women, her strength is the silent kind. The kind that sometimes goes unnoticed, or unappreciated.
A servant's heart.
I cannot imagine the lives she has touched through her service and her prayers.
16.9.16
Fri-yay
During the summer "holidays" our schedule is all over the place. It is basically non-existent. So when school starts, it is always a bitter sweet moment. Bitter because summer is over. Sweet because schedule is just good. I like schedule, always have.
Today made it all the more sweet, because it was our first Friday.
Fridays are thee best. It has been a rainy day, so we have all been cooped up together, working together, playing together, having the best time together.
Right now we are all being entertained by two (I will mention no names...) brothers attempting to play tennis on the xbox.
It's just being together. Having a big old pizza-and-brownie Friday party. I love it.
I cherish these moments because I know that they will not last forever. I want to engrave these memories in my heart and carry them with me wherever I go.
This family. I love.
Today made it all the more sweet, because it was our first Friday.
Fridays are thee best. It has been a rainy day, so we have all been cooped up together, working together, playing together, having the best time together.
Right now we are all being entertained by two (I will mention no names...) brothers attempting to play tennis on the xbox.
It's just being together. Having a big old pizza-and-brownie Friday party. I love it.
I cherish these moments because I know that they will not last forever. I want to engrave these memories in my heart and carry them with me wherever I go.
This family. I love.
15.9.16
Untouchable
Innocence surrounds this house. Children, miles away from any one person. In our safe haven, it would seem that innocence prevails.
Yet still, somehow, the innocence is not enough to guard against the world and it's wiles. Sometimes joy is stolen for a moment. A hushed sobering moment. Reminding us that we are not untouchable.
No-one is untouchable.
Sin is waiting at everyone's door, playing the knock-knock joke with our lives.
Be vigilant, Christ says. Watch.
Be ready for the battle of temptation to begin. Prepare your soul to wage war with the evil that wants to claim all that you are. To steal away your relationships, your peace, your faith.
We are not untouchable. But we can be ready.
We can arm ourselves with spiritual armor. We can be strong enough to fight and win.
We are not untouchable. We are warriors.
Yet still, somehow, the innocence is not enough to guard against the world and it's wiles. Sometimes joy is stolen for a moment. A hushed sobering moment. Reminding us that we are not untouchable.
No-one is untouchable.
Sin is waiting at everyone's door, playing the knock-knock joke with our lives.
Be vigilant, Christ says. Watch.
Be ready for the battle of temptation to begin. Prepare your soul to wage war with the evil that wants to claim all that you are. To steal away your relationships, your peace, your faith.
We are not untouchable. But we can be ready.
We can arm ourselves with spiritual armor. We can be strong enough to fight and win.
We are not untouchable. We are warriors.
14.9.16
Still you think of me
When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained,
What is man that You are mindful of him,
The son of man that You visit him?
Psalm 8:3-4
I love this passage of scripture. I feel what this Psalmist is saying.
If you know me, you know that if I am outside when it is a clear night, my eyes will be gazing skyward the whole time.
I feel so awed. So amazed by the creator. And yes, I often feel so small.
How is it that the creator of the sky, the stars, the world, how is it that he thinks of me?
How is it that he wants a relationship with me?
As I look at the stars and once again breathe a prayer of thanks for the beauty that he created, my heart soars. Such powerful love. Such an awesome God.
13.9.16
Change, welcome.
Hello.
It has been a busy day. These past couple of days we have been re-organizing our life as the first day of homeschool approaches. In a large family... this is a large task.
We have also been trying to catch up with all the things that got left out during harvest. Speaking of harvest, Dad and my brothers are out in the field right now trying to get the last of the crop in.
Anyway, now for the walk of shame.
It was silly of me to think that I could keep blogging everyday during harvest. I switched to survival mode about half way through and got stuck there for a couple of weeks. But I am ready to begin again.
The weather changing is reminding me how much I love the season of fall. Mostly because the mosquitoes no longer attack me each time I step out the door (they seem to be especially attracted to my type of blood...). But also because of the crisp air, the falling leaves, the fresh produce from the garden, and the cool nights. Especially the cool nights. Oh, and can we talk about fall clothes? The boots, sweaters, dark colors. So cozy, so in love.
It is crazy how fast summer went by. I feel like we (our family) enjoyed it more than we ever have before. We made so many memories. I guess that may be why I am so willing to welcome fall, and the coming winter this year.
Change is on the horizon. And I'm ready.
It has been a busy day. These past couple of days we have been re-organizing our life as the first day of homeschool approaches. In a large family... this is a large task.
We have also been trying to catch up with all the things that got left out during harvest. Speaking of harvest, Dad and my brothers are out in the field right now trying to get the last of the crop in.
Anyway, now for the walk of shame.
It was silly of me to think that I could keep blogging everyday during harvest. I switched to survival mode about half way through and got stuck there for a couple of weeks. But I am ready to begin again.
The weather changing is reminding me how much I love the season of fall. Mostly because the mosquitoes no longer attack me each time I step out the door (they seem to be especially attracted to my type of blood...). But also because of the crisp air, the falling leaves, the fresh produce from the garden, and the cool nights. Especially the cool nights. Oh, and can we talk about fall clothes? The boots, sweaters, dark colors. So cozy, so in love.
It is crazy how fast summer went by. I feel like we (our family) enjoyed it more than we ever have before. We made so many memories. I guess that may be why I am so willing to welcome fall, and the coming winter this year.
Change is on the horizon. And I'm ready.
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