You know the typical chick flick movie.
Girl wonders if prince charming exists, or if he is simply a fictional being living in the hopeful mind.
Girl
almost finds herself settling for less than the best when suddenly
appears prince charming himself. Though there is always a happy ending,
the question remains throughout the movie, "Is this real?".
And
it is the question that many single people ask. Is the one I am
dreaming of real? Or should I lower my standards and just marry second
best because of the doubt that he/she actually exists.
Standards.
I've got some. And I think it is healthy for single people who desire
marriage to figure out what is important to them when it comes to the
person that they want to spend the rest of their lives with.
Some
people would say that my standards are high. And I guess they are. It
may be a lot for me to expect a guy to be big enough to put his heart on
the line to tell my family about his feelings for the girl that he
wants to get to know. Especially considering that I have quite a few
brothers looking out for me. ;)
But this is what is important to
me. Because it is the best way for me to know without a doubt that he
cares about me. And having my families support and input is the best way
for me to be able to see beyond my heart's feelings and to see what is
really there. Right from the beginning.
If there is
anything that I have learned from viewing other relationships it is this
- don't stray from your standards. No matter how impossibly high they
may seem to be.
Pray about them, change them only if God leads you
to. Stand firm. Don't let the fear of growing old without meeting that
special someone blind you. Trust Him. I promise it will be worth the
wait.
Beyond the standards there are desires. Certain
things that may not really matter a whole lot, are not a deal breaker
so-to-speak, but are what you really hope for.
My
brother-in-law Henry has an amazing testimony about how God brought his
wife (my sister obvs.) into his life. And how, even though he had to
wait longer than he planned, he got what he prayed for.
*If you want to listen to his story go to lighthouse podcasts and listen to the one titled "Testimony of Marriage"*
One
of the things that he has taught me is not to be afraid to tell God
what you want. Those things that you hope for, big or small, nothing is
impossible for Him. Ask God to mold your future spouse.
It may
sound selfish, but if you were a father, wouldn't you want your children
to tell you what they want? We were not made to be mindless. He gave us
desires.
Then turn it around. Those things that God is
tugging on your heart to do/change...could that be what your future
spouse is praying for? I think about this often when I feel that nudge.
God is preparing you, He is preparing me.
We can only imagine what He has in store for those who patiently wait, and seek Him in the waiting.
29.1.16
27.1.16
Fail a thousand times
These past couple of days I have learned reluctantly. Have you ever woken up one morning and decided that this day would be your day to get everything right. To jump on that wagon and be the perfect human being that you have always wanted to be?
That was me, on Monday, of course.
Truth? The day was amazing. But what I expected was that the day would catapult me into the beginning of happily ever after.
Little did I know, God was setting me up for failure.
That sounds harsh doesn't it? Before just a few minutes ago I would be like... no way. It is always God's desire for me to succeed, to be a winner against the battles that I face in my life.
But he whispered into my heart today, "Sometimes you just need to fail."
I learned that this failure was His grace.
I see it now.
If I had continued to find success in my strength, I would have been running down the same road that I have been running for years. It is a road that leads to nothing but short term victory and long term disappointment.
What God needs from me is to see that I can't. To see that on my own, I am a failure. To recognize my weakness. To realize how much I need Him.
I know that He wants me to find freedom. But God wants my freedom to stick. The only way that I will find that is by walking through the fire day by day, holding His hand. Allowing Him to mold me into the person that I am trying to become. Going through the process of change while drawing closer to His heart.
My weakness is for my own good. Because God wants to show His power through my life. My failures... needed, because I need to see that His way is the only way.
Today, I will gladly trade my feeble attempts for His glorious strength and guidance.
That was me, on Monday, of course.
Truth? The day was amazing. But what I expected was that the day would catapult me into the beginning of happily ever after.
Little did I know, God was setting me up for failure.
That sounds harsh doesn't it? Before just a few minutes ago I would be like... no way. It is always God's desire for me to succeed, to be a winner against the battles that I face in my life.
But he whispered into my heart today, "Sometimes you just need to fail."
I learned that this failure was His grace.
I see it now.
If I had continued to find success in my strength, I would have been running down the same road that I have been running for years. It is a road that leads to nothing but short term victory and long term disappointment.
What God needs from me is to see that I can't. To see that on my own, I am a failure. To recognize my weakness. To realize how much I need Him.
I know that He wants me to find freedom. But God wants my freedom to stick. The only way that I will find that is by walking through the fire day by day, holding His hand. Allowing Him to mold me into the person that I am trying to become. Going through the process of change while drawing closer to His heart.
My weakness is for my own good. Because God wants to show His power through my life. My failures... needed, because I need to see that His way is the only way.
Today, I will gladly trade my feeble attempts for His glorious strength and guidance.
Let me fail a thousand times,
if that is what I need.
Let me lose these dreams of mine,
if I need to taste defeat.
You walk me through the fire,
until I see the heart of Your desire.
You came to me.
And through these dark and raging seas.
Your grace has not abandoned me.
And for these storms, I thank my God.
For the drove me to the solid rock.
From the shipwreck of my life,
you build a truer heart.
In my brokenness you shine,
my loss is where you start.
To form in me your will,
until my love is a reflection of
Your love for me.
You pursue those You love.
And we have no need to fear,
for these storms will draw us near
to You.
~Unspoken; Solid Rock ~
23.1.16
No complaining
You know those days when you find yourself complaining about your circumstances? Maybe not always out loud. Maybe you keep it to your thoughts. Today was one of those days for me.
I found a lot to complain about, somehow.
Somehow I was complaining though I have a roof over my head.
Though I had more than enough food to eat and am about to crawl into a warm bed.
Though I have a lot of love to share, and a lot of people to share it with.
Though I was able to wiggle my toes and touch my nose.
Though I have never lost someone I care deeply about.
Though I have a healthy body.
Though I can smile, and talk, and laugh.
Though I serve a God who has given me all of these things.
Still I complained.
I can breathe, that is a gift.
That is enough for thanksgiving.
How could I complain?
My little brother asked me tonight "Is heaven like a dream?"; "What does God sound like?"; and "Will I be able to see God? Or just hear Him?"
His questions reminded me that My future includes taking up residence in heaven, which will be more real than a dream. I will be able to meet the God I love face to face. I have that to look forward to.
How could I complain?
21.1.16
01/21/16
I just began a read-the-bible-in-90-days thingy.
The schedule is in chronological order, which is kinda annoying and interesting all at the same time. Annoying because you are reading a lot of the same stories over and over in the same reading. And interesting because it gives you a better perspective and deeper insight.
Anyway, because of this, I was reading like a million chapters in Job.
I was reading out loud (my mind likes to wander, and it is easier for me to grasp the meaning of the words when I am reading slowly and aloud) and the story kind of hit me differently than it ever has. Usually I find the story of Job to be, well, you know... maybe a bit boring. I mean, thirty some chapters of arguing and lamenting can do that. But this time around, I found the dialog to be captivating, and surprisingly humorous. I don't know why, but on a few occasions some of the things that were said had me laughing.
There were so many gems that I stole away while reading this book, to many to share now. But I just want to focus on one.
That is the question "why?".
Why does God allow bad things to happen to innocent people?
The issue that Job had was that he didn't understand. He didn't understand why God would allow all of these things to happen to him when he knew that he was innocent. His friends tried to convince him that the reasoning was in some big sin that Job committed in his life that God was punishing him for. But Job knew it wasn't so.
Yet, he still didn't know why. That had him in despair so deep that he cursed the day he was born and just wanted to die.
Growing up in an environment that you could call perfect, we don't really see on a first hand basis the real suffering in this world. It wasn't until later in my life that I was awakened to it and began seeing the suffering, especially that of the innocents in this world.
Reading the story of Job made me recall these times that I put faces to the suffering.
Seeing a picture of a perfect, beautiful baby boy that was killed by an illegal late term abortion. I cried for days.
Giving a hug to an elderly woman who was starving for love, without family during the holidays.
Holding the hand of a little girl who had been taken in by foster parents and seeing the reserved pain in her big sister's eyes.
Reading Dickens. The compelling way he writes his stories bring the suffering children to life, especially with the knowledge that he wrote from real life experience.
Hearing the orphan's story from a dear family that welcomed them into their home recently.
The innocent. The helpless.
The unanswered question.
Then God speaks.
He says, where were you when I made the earth?
Can you make the rain or snow? Can you tell the lightening where to go?
Who gives the birds their food? Who sees the sparrow fall?
Who is the one that numbers the hairs on your head?
Do we need to know why? Or can we just be like Job, who after God finishes speaking says "I know that you can do everything, and that no thought can be withholden from you. I have uttered what I did not understand. things to wonderful for me, which I did not know."
Can we have faith enough to offer up the suffering of other's to God and then trust Him to know?
He is holding the innocent along with the answers to all of our questions.
He holds all of our lives close to His heart.
For me, it is enough to know that God's got this.
To know that He can do everything. And He knows what He is doing, no matter what happens.
And you know, the story of Job has a happy ending.
The schedule is in chronological order, which is kinda annoying and interesting all at the same time. Annoying because you are reading a lot of the same stories over and over in the same reading. And interesting because it gives you a better perspective and deeper insight.
Anyway, because of this, I was reading like a million chapters in Job.
I was reading out loud (my mind likes to wander, and it is easier for me to grasp the meaning of the words when I am reading slowly and aloud) and the story kind of hit me differently than it ever has. Usually I find the story of Job to be, well, you know... maybe a bit boring. I mean, thirty some chapters of arguing and lamenting can do that. But this time around, I found the dialog to be captivating, and surprisingly humorous. I don't know why, but on a few occasions some of the things that were said had me laughing.
There were so many gems that I stole away while reading this book, to many to share now. But I just want to focus on one.
That is the question "why?".
Why does God allow bad things to happen to innocent people?
The issue that Job had was that he didn't understand. He didn't understand why God would allow all of these things to happen to him when he knew that he was innocent. His friends tried to convince him that the reasoning was in some big sin that Job committed in his life that God was punishing him for. But Job knew it wasn't so.
Yet, he still didn't know why. That had him in despair so deep that he cursed the day he was born and just wanted to die.
Growing up in an environment that you could call perfect, we don't really see on a first hand basis the real suffering in this world. It wasn't until later in my life that I was awakened to it and began seeing the suffering, especially that of the innocents in this world.
Reading the story of Job made me recall these times that I put faces to the suffering.
Seeing a picture of a perfect, beautiful baby boy that was killed by an illegal late term abortion. I cried for days.
Giving a hug to an elderly woman who was starving for love, without family during the holidays.
Holding the hand of a little girl who had been taken in by foster parents and seeing the reserved pain in her big sister's eyes.
Reading Dickens. The compelling way he writes his stories bring the suffering children to life, especially with the knowledge that he wrote from real life experience.
Hearing the orphan's story from a dear family that welcomed them into their home recently.
The innocent. The helpless.
The unanswered question.
Then God speaks.
He says, where were you when I made the earth?
Can you make the rain or snow? Can you tell the lightening where to go?
Who gives the birds their food? Who sees the sparrow fall?
Who is the one that numbers the hairs on your head?
Do we need to know why? Or can we just be like Job, who after God finishes speaking says "I know that you can do everything, and that no thought can be withholden from you. I have uttered what I did not understand. things to wonderful for me, which I did not know."
Can we have faith enough to offer up the suffering of other's to God and then trust Him to know?
He is holding the innocent along with the answers to all of our questions.
He holds all of our lives close to His heart.
For me, it is enough to know that God's got this.
To know that He can do everything. And He knows what He is doing, no matter what happens.
And you know, the story of Job has a happy ending.
19.1.16
Smile
I Smile.
Even though I hurt see I smile.
I know God is working so I smile.
Even though I've been here for a while, I smile.
(Kirk Franklin)
(Kirk Franklin)
18.1.16
Just Sing
"Jen, I have found that if you sing when you are weak, your voice gets stronger."
Those were words that my sis spoke to me a couple of days ago. She has been going through some health struggles that had affected her voice, and she explained to me that she could feel her voice get stronger the more she sang, even though her voice was so weak to begin with.
After she said it I was like, wow. That was profound.
How true is it that when we are at our weakest, and we choose to sing despite our pain and lack of strength, we become stronger.
It is a hard thing to do though. It is way easier to live life loud when you are on a mountain.
It is easier to praise, to be a light to others and to show Christ and to keep living His dream for you when you have it all together.
These past couple of months, and even now, I have just wanted to hide because I felt ashamed that I was "off the wagon" if you will. I didn't have anything together.
I wondered how I could write posts that are inspirational when I was just trying to survive day by day. I didn't want to be false, or worse... a hypocrite.
But the biggest lesson I am learning right now is that it is better to try than to hide. Yes, I might make a mess, but my mess is okay.
I am coming to find more and more that I don't need to have it all together all the time. Sometimes our voice speaks louder when we can say that we are struggling, because others can relate to our struggle.
And you know, when you reach out, be obedient, God is right there. If we simply sing through our weakness, we can become stronger.
Those were words that my sis spoke to me a couple of days ago. She has been going through some health struggles that had affected her voice, and she explained to me that she could feel her voice get stronger the more she sang, even though her voice was so weak to begin with.
After she said it I was like, wow. That was profound.
How true is it that when we are at our weakest, and we choose to sing despite our pain and lack of strength, we become stronger.
It is a hard thing to do though. It is way easier to live life loud when you are on a mountain.
It is easier to praise, to be a light to others and to show Christ and to keep living His dream for you when you have it all together.
These past couple of months, and even now, I have just wanted to hide because I felt ashamed that I was "off the wagon" if you will. I didn't have anything together.
I wondered how I could write posts that are inspirational when I was just trying to survive day by day. I didn't want to be false, or worse... a hypocrite.
But the biggest lesson I am learning right now is that it is better to try than to hide. Yes, I might make a mess, but my mess is okay.
I am coming to find more and more that I don't need to have it all together all the time. Sometimes our voice speaks louder when we can say that we are struggling, because others can relate to our struggle.
And you know, when you reach out, be obedient, God is right there. If we simply sing through our weakness, we can become stronger.
17.1.16
Dancing Diamonds
When music is played in our home, all the little bodies are attracted to the sound. More often than not (when the volume is high), there will be a dance party with little feet jumping, tapping (sometimes cartwheeling), hands swaying, and voices lifted to the tune of our favorite songs.
As often is the case, the kids get stuck on a few upbeat songs and will play them over and over until one of us older people will forbid the change of song "lest we go crazy!"
But there are days that I am the one that will place a song on repeat. Sometimes to dance around the house with the little people, sometimes to just let the lyrics sink into my soul.
Lately "Diamonds" by Hawk Nelson has been the song.
It is a message that I need in this season.
Here and now I'm in the fire,
In above my head
Being held under the pressure,
Don't know what'll be left
But it's here in the ashes
I'm finding treasure
He's making diamonds, diamonds
Making diamonds out of dust
He is refining in His timing
He's making diamonds out of us
I'll surrender to the power
Of being crushed by love
Till the beauty that was hidden
Isn't covered up
Oh it's not what I hoped for
It's something much better
Oh the joy of the Lord
It will be my strength
When the pressure is on
He's making diamonds
I won't be afraid to shine
Cause He's making diamonds out of dust
Making diamonds out of us
16.1.16
Returned
I messed up.
This was the biggest reason that I was afraid to start this blog. Because I know myself. I am an all in or all out kind of a girl and I knew that if I hit a rough patch, I would shut down and not write here.
The truth is, I did not write anywhere. For the first time since I was a ten year old girl scribbling the day's events in my little notebook, I did not write for over two months.
Being a person that writes to figure out my feelings, to communicate with God, to let out thoughts that I cannot share with anyone, it has been a stifling season.
Every day I thought about writing. But every day I ignored the desire in order that I could flee the process of feeling, deeply feeling. Instead I stuffed everything. I just wanted to survive. So all of the things that make me feel, make me hurt, I ran away from.
To be honest, now looking back, I can see that I have missed out on an amazing journey that God was wanting to walk me through. One that would have made me stronger and caused me to grow so much in my faith, and in becoming who He called me to be. Now I know that the pain I could have been feeling was pain that would have made gold in my life.
I regret hiding.
But now it is time for me to do more than regret. It is time to breech the wall that I put up and say "yes" again. To once again surrender my life to be part of God's plan.
This was the biggest reason that I was afraid to start this blog. Because I know myself. I am an all in or all out kind of a girl and I knew that if I hit a rough patch, I would shut down and not write here.
The truth is, I did not write anywhere. For the first time since I was a ten year old girl scribbling the day's events in my little notebook, I did not write for over two months.
Being a person that writes to figure out my feelings, to communicate with God, to let out thoughts that I cannot share with anyone, it has been a stifling season.
Every day I thought about writing. But every day I ignored the desire in order that I could flee the process of feeling, deeply feeling. Instead I stuffed everything. I just wanted to survive. So all of the things that make me feel, make me hurt, I ran away from.
To be honest, now looking back, I can see that I have missed out on an amazing journey that God was wanting to walk me through. One that would have made me stronger and caused me to grow so much in my faith, and in becoming who He called me to be. Now I know that the pain I could have been feeling was pain that would have made gold in my life.
I regret hiding.
But now it is time for me to do more than regret. It is time to breech the wall that I put up and say "yes" again. To once again surrender my life to be part of God's plan.
But He knows the way that I take:
when He has tried me, I will come forth as gold.
Job 23:10
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