Breathe

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,

 The moon and the stars, which You have ordained,

What is man that you are mindful of him,

 and the son of man that You visit him?

I read this passage of scripture this morning from Psalms chapter eight. 

As I was doing the chores outside a little later, I stopped in the middle of the corral while checking the cows and was still for a moment.

The sun, warmed my face. The birds sang in the trees. Geese flew above me making a noise about something that disturbed their resting place. Tractors rumbled, headed to the fields for another long day of work. Cows munched on hay as they ate their breakfast. The wind blew softly, making music in the branches of the evergreens.

I breathed. 

I thanked God for another beautiful day.

I remembered that the God who made all of this beauty that I was able to stop and enjoy, was the same God that thinks of me.

My heart was happy.

Can't Cry

When I was a teenager, I was a crier. Any emotion I felt would come out in tears. I couldn't have a serious conversation without bawling. If a pet died, I cried without shame. If I was having a bad day, I would cry and just let it all out. And I was always the first to cry during touching scenes in movies.

Then I grew up and tried to be strong. I really don't know how it happened, but tears became rare. To me, tears were a sign of weakness, and I didn't like to feel weak.

Tears are thoughts worn on the face. Tears are vulnerability. Tears are feelings.

There was a time in my life when I didn't want to feel anything. So I shut off the emotion and the tears stopped flowing.
But that came with a price.
Tears can show the emotion of joy and sorrow.
Sure, I didn't feel the pain, but I also didn't feel the joy.

I think one of the darkest moments in my life was when I found that I couldn't cry anymore. So long had I trained my soul to blot out the showing of any emotion that part of me died.

It's not so much about the tears. It was just a symbol in my life that physically showed the kind of hurt that I was going through.
In shutting out feelings I was shutting out all that God wanted to teach me. Instead of living life with a purpose, I was just living life.

I still struggle to show emotion. But slowly, this heart is thawing, and God is resurrecting in me things that I thought I would never get back.

Her Story

She looked past the darkness and heard a voice say, "Return to me".
Though many other voices surrounding her called to her soul, she was drawn to the one who spoke life alone.

She took one step and He came running. She fell to her knees and shielded her eyes from the glorious light that was drawing near her. She could hardly stand the weight of His nearness, she didn't deserve this grace, her shame pushed her to the ground and caused doubt to overtake her heart.
Though her eyes were covered, she could feel His presence, His love, and she cried.

"How could you love me still?", she whispered, still afraid to surrender, to fall into the arms that she knew were open wide.
He would not force her to come, but would continue to shower her with the knowledge of what her life could be like in Him, and overwhelm her with His mercy.

"Let me return and fix the mess I've made, then I will be ready."
"My child, I want you as you are. It is when you are weak that I am strong. Come, and let me heal your brokenness."

She opened her eyes, and the warm glow of a smile shone on her face as she finally surrendered and melted into His embrace.
He smiled down on her as he gathered her tears.