2 Corinthians 12:9

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness."

Therefore most gladly will I rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

No squirrels

The animated movie "Up" has frequented our television screen. If you have never seen it, it is an adorable film about a cute little old man who, after loosing his wife, is being forced to move out of the home where they shared their life together, into a retirement home. Instead of allowing all of his memories to be destroyed, he attaches helium balloons to his chimney and flies away with his house to reach a place that he and his wife always dreamed of living together.
During his "flight" he encounters and interacts with dogs that are able to talk with special collars that their master "cue... the villain" made for them.

Whenever the dogs would see a squirrel, even if it was in mid sentence they would yell "SQUIRREL" and then stare at it (or... The direction they think they saw it) for a few moments before continuing with their conversation.
They were also so easily distracted by tennis balls and treats... it is hilarious, you just have to see it. :)

Anyway, there is a point to this ramble. :)
My thoughts about animated movies and my life ran together this evening and I saw the similarity of myself and those dogs.

Last week I was doing so good. You know, focused. On track both spiritually and physically.
Then, I allowed these fleeting pleasures distract me, and pull my attention away from the direction that I was going.
Like those dogs who totally messed up by chasing after tennis balls instead of being obedient to their master, I messed things up by chasing after something smaller than the plan that God has for me.
Distractions that have me mesmerized until I snap back into reality and realize that I am running after something that brings no purpose and gives no life.

It is so easy to get caught up in those "squirrel" moments. To have my attention drawn away from the path God has me on and to lose focus.

This past week I have been chasing after tennis balls, but is time to get back to being the person I know I am called to be.

Fear of Failure

I was at a leadership and volunteer refuel day that was put on by our church today. During which one of the topics that was spoken on by our speaker was the topic of failure.
I became uncomfortably aware of how great my fear of failure is. I can recount so many instances in my life where I didn't do something that I know God was prompting me to do because I was so afraid of what others will think of me... should I fail.
I know that I am held back from being the person that I could be, the best version of myself because of this fear.
When I take a step back and look at it from the perspective of a greater picture I wonder how I could allow this to completely take over a moment. To dictate what I do, and to steal the things I could be missing out on.
The truth is that if I never do anything, sure, I will never fail. But I also will never succeed.

I have been on a journey to finding who I am in Christ. This afternoon I found another piece to that puzzle. I found something more that I need to work on in my life.

From a book I love...

"The Creator made the world a cooperative enterprise. In order for it to be that way, God had to give us the privilege of going His way or of refusing to go His way."

"But how? How do we go His way?"

"He is specific about that." She ticked the points off on her fingers: "'Love ye your enemies'...'Do good'...'Be ye therefore merciful'... 'Judge not'... 'Forgive'... And best of all, 'Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over shall men give into your bosom.' A great promise to claim!"

"What do you mean by 'claim'?'

The Quaker lady was silent for a moment. I had the impression that she was not so much thinking as listening. Then she said, "You've heard of 'staking a claim' in the old frontier days?"

"Yes."

"There was lots of rich land available back then, But in order to get any for himself, each man had to move out and claim what he wanted. If he didn't make that move, then for him nothing happened.

"This isn't a perfect analogy, but perhaps it will help to explain... God has all kinds of riches for all of us. Not just spiritual riches either. His promises in the Bible are His way of telling us what's available. But this plenty doesn't become ours until we drive in our stake on a particular promise and thus indicate that we accept that gift. That, Christy, is 'claiming.'"

"This is all new to me," I told her. "I like it." 

~ Excerpt from the book "Christy" (pg. 99+100) by Catherine Marshall

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things that matter

One crazy mess of a day.
That would be the description of this one.

I had a list marking how I would spend each moment, but by the end of the day each task was scribbled out and the time slot filled with things that I did not plan.

I was frustrated because I felt so exhausted but knew that I didn't get anything that I wanted done. I was stressed because the thoughts of all that there was to do wouldn't cease from circling around in my brain.

The day almost over I had a choice. Take the time to maybe get one thing marked off of that dooming list, or spend it sharing something I loved with someone I love.

When I finished reading that one hundred year old story and saw the light of learning in the young boy's eyes, my spirits were lifted.

Then I heard the gentle reminder as peace replaced my throbbing head.

These are the things that matter. 

The to do list will remain, but the moment of opportunity to grow closer to someone that will forever be a special part of my life will be here and gone.

I hope to remember that more every day.

I had a dream

In my dream the sky was falling, the world was coming to an end.

All I can remember thinking as I gazed at the sky, knowing that I would soon see Jesus face to face was "I wish that He would have found me in a better place."

I wasn't thinking of anything else but how self-centered I had been living my life the moment that He came back. I remember regret flooding my soul.

When I awoke, I was unable to get my dream out of my head. 

I knew what it meant to me, I knew that it was more than just a dream. It was a wake up call.

When I opened my bible to read a few hours later, I did one of those randomly-flip-the-bible-open-and-read-the-first-verses-I-see kind of things.

What I read was this passage from 2 Peter 3:10-14.

But the day of the Lord shall come as a thief in the night; in which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up. 

Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversations and godliness, 

Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat? 

Nevertheless we, according to His promise, look for new heavens and new earth, wherein dwell righteousness. 

Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that you may be found of Him in peace, without spot, and blameless.

It was then that He had my attention. I took a good look at my life and decided that I didn't want Jesus, upon His return, to find me as I was. 

I had become far to wrapped up in things of this world, things that are temporary.
Things that steal parts of my heart that should belong to only One.

It was an immediate resolve that lasted a few moments of my day before I was seduced back into the life that I had been used to living.

Being the carnal being that I am, it is a constant battle every day even just to remember. One day I will be caught up to heaven, and the only thing that will really matter are the things that I did and the person that I was for Jesus. Everything else, will be gone. 

These past couple of days I have been reminded of my dream.

I know that there are lots of things, not necessarily huge or dramatic, but little things in my life that I could change to become closer to being the person that I want Jesus to find.
It is so easy for me to only see the now, instead of looking at life from an eternal perspective.

If I did, my life would radically change.

The reason I stay

Post from "Breathe Deep".

I am sitting here in blissful silence. Actually... it was blissful silence two seconds ago. Now I am listening to one of my sisters (who will not be named) burping like a million times at the top of the stairs.
There. Now it is... oh wait. Never mind.  
* Leaves to go see why little brother is crying.
Well, I can always hope for a little bit of silence right!? Apparently there will be none of it right now though as the little kiddoes are "going to bed" in the next room. :)
Such is the life of living in a large family.

It may have occurred to all of you that I never write posts about why I stay at home. Why I choose to live with my family instead of venturing out and finding myself, by myself in this wild wonderful world.

I know that it is the unspoken question that burns in some people's minds when they see me, twenty-four years old with no college education, no career, seemingly no calling.
I guess I have not written about it because it is difficult to explain without the label of "stay at home daughter". I dislike that title because it has become so misrepresented, and so distasteful.

When I come across someone new that asks me what I do for a living and I tell them about the way that I live, the reactions I get are often disturbing. Though most try to hide it, they act like they are disgusted with the idea that I, as a single collage/career age woman, am still living with my family.
I guess this has caused a bit of insecurity for me over the years and I did at a point in my life question whether I was doing the right thing by remaining at home.
I started to freak out when I looked back at my life and saw a lot of nothing, and felt like I wasn't doing my part in God's kingdom.

It took a lot of soul searching for me to come to peace with this season that I am called to live. It took a lot of prayers and tears to reach the place that I feel like I can write about this with firm conviction.

Now let me begin by saying this.
This is MY calling.
This is not something that I preach, because I want everyone to live in a way that God has called them to live. And the reason I am writing this post is because I want everyone to see beyond the surface and into the heart of why I do what I do and why I am who I am.

Family values. They are so important. My dad is the head of our home, he is the one that answers to God for our big crazy family. It is important to him that his daughters remain under his protection until they can be placed under the headship of another man through the covenant of marriage.
Now, before you all start throwing the rotten tomatoes and make accusations about brain washings and equality and such, let me say my piece.

To me, this home is not a prison. It is not a place that I am held against my will. I was not forced to accept the fact that I was to remain at home.
This is something that I want.
This is a season in which I am called to stand still.

I used to be afraid that maybe I was taking the easy way out. But you know, this is hard. It is not easy to stand strong and stay even though the world and all it's expectations of young woman these days are flowing past me in a rush to live fast and loud.
It takes courage to go against every thing that the world is screaming I must do.

I have been learning so much this past little while. And one of those things is to grab hold of every season that I am in and live it to the very fullest.
Some may feel sorry for me, and hope for better things for me. But I have found that there is better now.

I am very aware that one day I will wake up and find that this season is over and it is time to move on. I realize that this is a very unique time in which I have an opportunity to give my heart and soul completely to knowing Christ and building a foundation in Him which I will rely upon to stand strong, to build upon for the rest of my life.

I see God's wisdom in His calling. There are things that I needed (and still need) to work on in my life that demanded my full attention.
A quiet heart.
A still mind.

My biggest revelation of late is that living for God does not necessarily always mean that I should be doing something physical for Him that has visible results, something that has a big impact on this world. Sometimes living for Him requires quiet obedience and full surrender. Living in faith until I can see that next step.
My life right now may seem like it is on hold to those outside looking in. But what they can't see is the growth that is taking place in my heart. The spiritual preparation for the journey that He will take me on in the next season of my life.

And so I am happily here. Where I firmly believe God has called me to be at this time.
Now the house is truly quiet as the entire family has gone to snuggle with their blankets and pillows in their warm, cozy beds.
Which, now that I mentioned it, sounds quite amazing.
Oh, hear that?
It is my bed calling my name.
Goodnight.

Limitless

Doubt sees a mountain no way around it.

Faith sees a victory no doubt about it.

Fear sees the ceiling, hope sees the stars.

Love be the light inside of our hearts.

Limitless. That is the name of the song that the above quote comes from. The song talks about how we are limitless in Christ because we have the power of His love in our hearts. We are limitless because we belong to One who knows no limits. 

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Especially recently.

Do me a favour and think about that one thing that you struggle the most with in your life. I've got one of those, many of us has one of those things that kick us to the ground everyday. 

Maybe you are like me and experience victory over your struggle for a time, but then somehow find yourself right back where you started.

I am in the place of beginning again. My biggest struggle is finding the faith to make that first step. It is a risk every time to make the choice to believe that this time, I will triumph, I will be freed. 

It is hard to ignore the little voice inside that tells me "What makes this any different then the last time that you tried, you will be back here again." 

But today I chose to look at the truth. The truth says that I have the ability in Christ to conquer this. He holds our freedom in His hands, he wants us to find it, to run to it and to claim it for ourselves. 

It is a comfort to me to know that whatever I am facing, I can do it. 

He said so.

We were listening to the radio in the way home from church yesterday and Reverand J. John was preaching. He said something that I wrote down because I knew I didn't want to forget it. It was this:

When David saw Goliath he had two possible reactions. "He is really big, I better run away." or "He is really big, how can I miss?"

We can hit our giants and make them fall because we have the potential in Christ. The same power that rose Jesus from the grave. The same power that healed the sick, raised the dead, lives inside of you and me. When we realize this truly, that giant will look more like an easy target than something that will not be defeated. 

So, will you join me on this journey to freedom?

Now thanks be unto God, who always causeth us to trumph in Christ.

 2 Corinthians 2:14a

Brave

You make me brave. These words have been circulating in my brain trying to make entrance into my heart these past couple of days.

It has been a while since I last wrote what was supposed to be daily thought scribblings. I guess you could say that I lost sight of this dream for a little while. Lost faith in it.

But here I am again. 

Trying to be brave. 

Trying to learn how to let go of perfection and the fear of what other people think of the mess I am.

Trying to see that Jesus can make the mess beautiful.

If the truth is to be told, I have been running away from the things that I know, now know without a doubt, that He is calling me to do. Not only regarding this, but also other areas of my life.

In the running He has taught me so much about Who He is. Even in my desperate attempts to avoid acknowledging any Jesus in my life, I have fallen deeper in love.

What a good, good Father.

So today I jump in with two feet. Come what may, this is about me saying "Yes". This is about me being obedient to His voice.