Can't Cry

When I was a teenager, I was a crier. Any emotion I felt would come out in tears. I couldn't have a serious conversation without bawling. If a pet died, I cried without shame. If I was having a bad day, I would cry and just let it all out. And I was always the first to cry during touching scenes in movies.

Then I grew up and tried to be strong. I really don't know how it happened, but tears became rare. To me, tears were a sign of weakness, and I didn't like to feel weak.

Tears are thoughts worn on the face. Tears are vulnerability. Tears are feelings.

There was a time in my life when I didn't want to feel anything. So I shut off the emotion and the tears stopped flowing.
But that came with a price.
Tears can show the emotion of joy and sorrow.
Sure, I didn't feel the pain, but I also didn't feel the joy.

I think one of the darkest moments in my life was when I found that I couldn't cry anymore. So long had I trained my soul to blot out the showing of any emotion that part of me died.

It's not so much about the tears. It was just a symbol in my life that physically showed the kind of hurt that I was going through.
In shutting out feelings I was shutting out all that God wanted to teach me. Instead of living life with a purpose, I was just living life.

I still struggle to show emotion. But slowly, this heart is thawing, and God is resurrecting in me things that I thought I would never get back.