Fail a thousand times

These past couple of days I have learned reluctantly. Have you ever woken up one morning and decided that this day would be your day to get everything right. To jump on that wagon and be the perfect human being that you have always wanted to be?

That was me, on Monday, of course.
Truth? The day was amazing. But what I expected was that the day would catapult me into the beginning of happily ever after.
Little did I know, God was setting me up for failure.
That sounds harsh doesn't it? Before just a few minutes ago I would be like... no way. It is always God's desire for me to succeed, to be a winner against the battles that I face in my life.
But he whispered into my heart today, "Sometimes you just need to fail."
I learned that this failure was His grace.

I see it now.
If I had continued to find success in my strength, I would have been running down the same road that I have been running for years. It is a road that leads to nothing but short term victory and long term disappointment.

What God needs from me is to see that I can't. To see that on my own, I am a failure. To recognize my weakness. To realize how much I need Him.

I know that He wants me to find freedom. But God wants my freedom to stick. The only way that I will find that is by walking through the fire day by day, holding His hand. Allowing Him to mold me into the person that I am trying to become. Going through the process of change while drawing closer to His heart.

My weakness is for my own good. Because God wants to show His power through my life. My failures... needed, because I need to see that His way is the only way.
Today, I will gladly trade my feeble attempts for His glorious strength and guidance.

Let me fail a thousand times,

if that is what I need.

Let me lose these dreams of mine,

if I need to taste defeat.

You walk me through the fire,

until I see the heart of Your desire.

You came to me.

And through these dark and raging seas.

Your grace has not abandoned me.

And for these storms, I thank my God.

For the drove me to the solid rock.

From the shipwreck of my life,

you build a truer heart.

In my brokenness you shine,

my loss is where you start.

To form in me your will,

until my love is a reflection of

Your love for me.

You pursue those You love.

And we have no need to fear,

for these storms will draw us near

to You.

~Unspoken; Solid Rock ~