How Be Single, Turn 26, and Not Freak Out

August third.
It is an insignificant date apart from one thing.
Somehow, for the past nine years of my life, I have written on that date to my future husband about how shocking it is that the years tick by so fast.

It was coincidence for the first few years, but after I realized the pattern, I began making it a "thing". I smile as I think of continuing the habit, if I should end up marrying this un-named person, in person. We could have a celebration, or pity party (depending on what mood we are in), either celebrating or mourning the passing of the years.

I'm not exactly sure how August third became the date, likely because my birthday is only a few days prior, and it had finally sunk in that I just turned nineteen, twenty, twenty-one (that was a big one!).

This year probably scared me the most though.
Twenty-six. Over the twenty-five hill... rolling straight toward thirty.
I should have just taken my big sister's example and stayed twenty-four. That way I could live in denial, and just not think about how old I am getting. :)

When I was a young teenager, I used to fear becoming older. Especially remaining single and becoming older. I would pray the prayer "God, please let me be married when I am young!", because I didn't think I would be able to handle being an "Old maid".
In my naiveté, I saw marriage as a given blessing that I deserved before I could become lonely.

What I didn't count on was the blessing of being single.
What I didn't know what that I needed to be single.
Of course, God did. And He slowly revealed to me the blessing.

What saddens me is to hear of, or see people become so desperate to have that family, to have the life that they dream of, to find a man or woman to share their life with that they just marry the first one that comes along.
They spend their single years waiting, instead of actively doing the things that becoming married, and having a family will take away.

There is no perfect life. I'm not saying that one is better than the other, but what I am saying is that I have found joy, and fulfillment in making the most of the season I am in.

I am not the person that I was when I was eighteen. Through my single years, God has taken deep root in my heart (I would dare any guy to try to uproot Him!), He has become the foundation, the first and the last, my beginning and my end. I wouldn't have had that if I had married as the unstable eighteen year old that I was.
Not to say at all that marrying young is a bad thing. But for me, marrying young would have been a bad thing.
I am grateful for the opportunity that I have as a single woman to grow, mature, and become rock solid in my faith. To have all things stripped away, and have my focus solely on Him, without the distraction that I would have being a wife and mother.

Again, it's not that one or the other is better, it is just that I have learned to be grateful of where I am right now. To not waste moments pinning away for the life that I dream of. To not prematurely dive head first into that life because it is something that I want, instead of what God wants.

It is a little strange to have watched my most of my friends get married, and begin families of their own. And yes, a little frightening to know that the kids I used to change diapers on while babysitting are now graduating from high school, and getting married themselves.
But I realize that life won't slow down. Life will continue on. I can't stop myself from turning the age that I am.
What I can do though, is make the most of every single moment.

I can be single, and own it!

So, hi. I'm twenty-six now.

Tiny Hands

Tiny hands, tiny hearts.

Being a big sister (to many!), and an Auntie, sometimes it scares me how much the little ones look up to, and copy everything that I do, or say. It is such a huge responsibility to know that these little ones are partly basing their reality, and building their knowledge on the observance of how I live my life.

I am no perfect human being. So it is somewhat sobering to hear the two year old repeat ever word I say, or be told that the little girl wants the same haircut as Auntie Jenny, or to listen as the little boy repeats the lesson that I taught him to his little friends.

These little people that I am privileged to love remind me to guard my mouth, to live intentionally, to react wisely, and to be an all around better person.

Whether you think so or not, there are people in your life that are watching. Be it little ones that surround you, or older ones that hold you in high regard. We freak out sometimes because we want to be more efficient in sharing Jesus with people, but little do we know that we share Jesus simply by living the way He wants us to every day.

Every time I hold a little hand to cross a road, or swing a giggling baby in the air I remember. Everything we do has ripple effects in someone else's lives. What kind of effect are you making today?

Saturated

The rain is falling outside my window. 

As I watch it seems as if I can literally see trees, grass, new shoots of greenery becoming brighter and further saturated with color.

The above average temperatures created dust that covered the living things, visually muffling their beauty.

I feel this happens with life sometimes. 

Stuff, temporary stuff, clouds the immaculate beauty given to us.

Life isn't perfect, but it is beautiful. God designed it to be that way.

When I allow Him to wash away the dusty surface, I can see.

God uses the hard stuff, the dirty of our lives to help us later perceive our world in more saturated brilliance. 

Currently walking through a dust storm, I can smell the rain coming. 

The saying goes that you don't appreciate what you have until you loose it, well our appreciation scale is rising to the maximum.

Never in my years have I been more grateful for what God has so richly blessed me with.

If you're life seems dusty just now, hold on... the rain is coming.

Allow Him to show you what true beauty is.

See Blessings

This week, I have focused primarily on what has been lost. Lately, many precious things have been torn from our lives and the grieving process has proven difficult.

I find myself repeating a vicious cycle. Seeming to take one step forward and two steps back as my thoughts complete a circle.
The pattern leaves me frustrated and I have grown weary of anger's talons on my soul every time the subject of the afore mentioned happenings arises.

This morning I read a verse as I looked back on my journal of scribbled scriptures and thoughts.
Our light affliction is but for a moment. (2 Corinthians 4:17)

I began to think of others. How blessed I am. How light my affliction is.
Recently I've been in a position to hear tales of lives and regrets. Tales of misfortunes and abuse. Hurts and heartaches like I have never come close to experiencing.

I think of them and still feel my hurt, but it lessens.
Now the blessings take a front row seat as I gaze into the audience of my own story.

I have a family that loves.
I have a God I can trust.
I have a happy home.

Today I have resolved to see the blessings.

Choosing to Forgive

Forgiveness.
That word alone holds a bounty of freedom in it's choosing.

When you have been wronged, it is easy to hold on to the pain, bringing it up in your mind over and over again so that you stay angry, turning the people that have hurt you into monsters in your mind.

Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.  Ephesians 4:26+27 asks this of us.

The question then is, am I turning hurt into hatred? Am I confusing anger with bitterness? Am I holding on to this wrong doing to cause my offender the same betrayal that I experienced?

With the recent celebration of Easter, the words that Jesus spoke while He was dying on the cross have been circling my mind. "Father forgive them, for they don't know what they do."
I always saw this a Jesus himself forgiving them for what they were doing to Him. But, he was rather showing his forgiveness by asking His father to do the same. As God in heaven was watching His Son die on the cross for our sins, that's got to be the height of all offences right? Watching the innocent die for the guilty. Allowing injustice to be played out for the benefit of the undeserving.

Having recently watched an innocent that I love being stabbed by the sword of hatred and bitterness, I can understand on a comparatively minuscule scale of what God must have felt watching His son being crucified.

I don't want to forgive. I would rather hold out and punish those who have wronged our family.
But to be a follower of Jesus, I need to release it.

I need to let go and forgive.
I can do this without confronting, and rubbing salt in the already gaping wounds.
Jesus didn't. He just forgave.

My Rock, My Fortress

Trust. A small word that can be so profound.
I've been learning a lot about trust these past couple of weeks.

It is easy to say that you trust God, until you come to an event, or experience in your life that creates a bleak outlook.
Worry threatens to overtake you, and stress builds up until you think you could scream.

I have found myself often on the lap of God, begging Him to help me believe in all that He is. To hide His love, truth, and promises so deeply in my heart that no amount of hurt, or fear can dig them out.

Though these have been tough days, I wouldn't trade them for a place back in my comfort zone. The love and peace that I have found have far outweighed the hard 'stuff' that I have faced.
Truly, God is our rock and our fortress. He is a God that I can trust in, and I don't think I have ever really known that until now.
Until my world was shaken.
Until my heart was broken.

People say that God uses the hard times in our lives to draw us closer to Himself, and you know what? It is true.
During this hard time, I have bowed at His feet with a greater realization of His sovereignty. A greater appreciation of His kindness and love toward His children.

Though the waves seem like they will overtake us, they instead will sweep us closer to His heart.

I am thankful to serve a God that works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

I am thankful that no matter what I face, I can trust Him.

In Flight

On the heels of an adventure, I have lots to write about. This particular excursion was different than any that I have taken before. First it involved only four people, (which is about one fourth the people that I am used to traveling with). Second, we flew to our destination (which was a first for me!). Thirdly, I did not bring my camera, or post any blog posts telling about our trip (which was, I must admit... slightly freeing). Finally, it was a BUSY trip (which was albeit different, very awesome. :).
If you want to see pictures from the trip, I posted a few on instagram (@niferrose).

Lets start at the beginning, shall we?
I have flown on a small aircraft before, but never a jet. I was slightly nervous, only because I was afraid of being that person who needed the barf bag. Mostly, I was excited. I was excited to leave the world behind, rise above the clouds, and see creation from a different perspective.

I didn't have a window seat that first flight, but I was close enough to watch as we rose through layer upon layer of clouds. Once we completed our ascent, (which was accelerating and fascinating I might add... it takes little to entertain me ;) I put in my headphones and turned on my current favourite song "What a Beautiful Name" by Hillsong Worship. I glanced out the window, straining to see the earth beneath as the clouds gave way to patches of clear sky. When the words

"You have no rival. You have no equal. Now and forever God you reign. Your's is the kingdom. Your's is the glory. Your's is the name above all names."

sounded through my headphones, I understood more clearly than I ever have before.
From this new perspective that I was experiencing, my problems seemed smaller, my God seemed bigger, and my worries seemed less significant.
With thousands of miles whizzing by underneath, tears began rolling down my cheeks (the flight attendants were probably wondering what on earth happened to the poor girl sitting on row 17 :), as a feeling of peace swept over me.
The greatness of God, who made the sea, the earth, and all that in them is, became more real to me in that moment.

I found safety and comfort in the words "You have no rival. You have no equal. You reign.", because I could see it in the billowing clouds. The unmatched majesty.

So, my first flight was good. :)
The second flight I got a window seat (yay!), and left some forehead grease on it because I had my nose to the window most of the time. We were also behind the wing, which I liked better because I could see, not just feel, the direction we were turning. And found it humorous (like I said, it takes little to entertain me!) when the wings shook through turbulence. We had to fly around a storm also, which was cool. Them storm clouds. Wow.

So ya, two thumbs up for flying!